PLOT: It follows a college student as she boards a party train for Halloween, and ends up fighting for her life when a mysterious assailant begins killing the people one-by-one.
REVIEW: The original Terror Train is a classic slasher whodunnit that provides many satisfying twists and turns. At least for me. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, as it’s very low-budget and cheaply lit. But that’s where a lot of the charm comes from. So I was a bit trepidatious when it came to Tubi’s remake of the Canadian Slasher. Would it live up to the original? Would it carve a path of its own? I had my concerns.
This remake follows the exact same structure as the original film, so if you’ve seen that, you’re going to have a lot of déjà vu. Every major beat is the exact same, to the point where I really question why they went such a stale route. Do they really think so few people have seen the original? Maybe I’m just too close to the sub-genre, but I consider it a staple alongside Black Christmas and Prom Night. Because this is practically the same script as the original, I’m going to do a lot of comparing. If they didn’t want that, maybe they should have come up with something slightly more unique.
As you’d probably expect, the acting is pretty rough, but that’s part of the fun with slashers. They’ve somehow taken the Alana character from shy to obnoxiously brash. Most of the characters are irritating and their inevitable demise is more than welcome. I had the most fun with the magician character played by Tim Rozon from Schitt’s Creek. It’s the biggest improvement to the story, in that they actually make him a believable suspect. Though his magic tricks were a bit like if a teenager had been watching edgy magician youtube videos and wanted to show his friends.
The main issue is that the parts the Terror Train remake tries to expand don’t really need explanation. The prank at the film’s onset doesn’t need a lot of knowledge of its setup, yet they go through every little detail of the setup. This also takes away from one of the better shocks from the original: the cadaver’s involvement in the prank. Even the inclusion of cell phones, which could prove as a nice wrinkle, is simply dismissed with simple cliches. Every somewhat interesting point is frustratingly shooed away. The dark train cars gave the first film an identity. Here, I couldn’t tell you the difference between the cars. And they’re
Oddly enough, the one aspect that they didn’t take from the 1981 version is the third act. Instead, they go with a much less satisfying conclusion to the story. It also made everything considerably more generic. And while I understand that there are some problematic aspects of the original film’s ending, there are ways to do it in a respectful way. Because what they do instead is just lazy and frustrating. If you’re going to change something that is so in the DNA of the story, at least replace it with something worthy. Instead, it feels like Scream 2-lite.
I’m sure there are some people that are going to have a fun time with Terror Train. But I can’t imagine falling into that category if you’ve ever been exposed to the original film. While there’s plenty of dumb fun to be had here, there’s no terror in the slightest. There’s no tension in any kills and no surprise in any deaths. The original holds up because of the fun dynamics between all of the characters and how genuinely unnerving the killer is. Here, it’s simply waiting for the ride to be over. One thing I’ll say they nail: the abrupt ending.
Terror Train is STREAMING ON TUBI OCTOBER 21ST, 2022.
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