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Directors Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman, who made their name in 2010 with the documentary “Catfish,” have nothing nearly so ambitious or groundbreaking in mind this time. Co-writing the script with Josh Koenigsberg—which itself is based on a screenplay by frequent Marvel scribe Christopher Yost (“Thor: Ragnarok”)—Joost and Schulman offer wacky adolescent hijinks, frantic scurrying, and a ton of insipid dialogue. Michael Peña, as the lead bad guy chasing after our young heroes, literally says to the kids: “Playtime’s over, kids.” There’s also a “Don’t taze me, bro” joke for those of you who enjoy being on the cutting edge of pop culture. And my bored 12-year-old son, who is very much the target audience for “Secret Headquarters,” insists that no one his age actually says #YOLO or describes things they like as “tight.”
Since this is such an ‘80s throwback, perhaps adjectives like awesome or rad would have been more appropriate. If only they were applicable here. Joost and Schulman are definitely going for the wonder and thrills of an Amblin production, with songs from INXS (“Never Tear Us Apart”) and Talking Heads (“Burning Down the House”) comprising the soundtrack. But the heart is what’s missing, as well as a legitimate sense of danger.
The likable Walker Scobell, who played the younger version of Ryan Reynolds earlier this year in Netflix’s “The Adam Project,” stars as 14-year-old Charlie Kincaid. You’d be forgiven for thinking Owen Wilson was the star of “Secret Headquarters,” given his prominent placement in the movie’s promotional materials, but he’s actually a supporting figure as Charlie’s frequently absent father, Jack. Charlie thinks his dad is always busy traveling for his boring job as an IT expert; what he doesn’t realize is that Jack is secretly a superhero known as The Guard. A flashback at the film’s start to a decade earlier reveals the moment during a family camping trip when a spaceship crashed in the woods, and a glowing orb popped out and chose Jack for this assignment. Now he and Charlie’s mom, Lily (Jessie Mueller), are divorced. And on a weekend when Jack is supposed to be enjoying some father-son bonding with Charlie, he instead takes off to save the world again.
When Charlie invites his best friend, Berger (Keith L. Williams, so charming in “Good Boys”), over to his dad’s stylish cabin, they accidentally stumble upon an elevator that sends them plummeting to Jack’s hidden, underground lair. Also along for the adventure are the girls they have crushes on: the worldly and mature Maya (Momona Tamada), and the incessantly perky influencer Lizzie (Abby James Witherspoon, Reese’s niece). Her non-stop chatter gets annoying, but Lizzie does have the best line in the whole movie.
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