I Ate ‘Glass Onion’ Ice Cream

Glass… onion… ice cream?

Those four words do not belong in close proximity to one another. And yet the brand-new Glass Onion limited edition flavor from the folks at Van Leeuwen Ice Cream is billed as a “A Knives Out Mystery French Ice Cream.” In other words: They ain’t telling you exactly what’s in it.

So, obviously, I had to eat it and find out for myself.

For reasons that not even master sleuth Benoit Blanc could uncover, when a movie inspires themed tie-in food, I have to eat it. I have been doing this since 2015. In that time, I’ve consumed Thing Burgers (with Thing sauce!), The Batman calzonies (with “Crazy Sauce®!”), and an entire Addams Family menu (complete with purple hot chocolate so horrifying it would even scare Gomez Addams). I’ve even had movie tie-in ice cream before, thanks to the “Berry Bold™” Wonder Woman Ice Cream at Cold Stone Creamery. They somehow interpreted DC’s signature superheroine as a pile of liquidy brown mush with red bits in it. (That sounds more like Suicide Squad ice cream to me.)

The mere fact that Van Leeuwen decided to make a “mystery” flavor inspired by a murder mystery like Glass Onion shows they have at least put a little more thought into their tie-in ice cream than Cold Stone did. The video below featuring Glass Onion writer/director Rian Johnson and several cast members sampling the stuff and suggesting they can taste a few different ingredients, Including pineapple, whisky and, God help me, onion.

Without spoiling the film for those who haven’t seen it yet, all the flavors mentioned in that video relate to the movie in one way or another. The onions are obvious. But you’ve also got pineapple because one of the characters in Glass Onion is allergic to pineapple. There’s bourbon because another one of the characters is actually named Whiskey. There’s Greek yogurt in honor of the film’s setting on a Greek island. If nothing else, the choice of ingredients is mighty clever.

But how does it taste? Unfortunately for my cholesterol level, Van Leeuwen Ice Cream actually delivers to my house — and sure enough they had “Netflix Glass Onion” listed online as a flavor. Within minutes of learning of the existence of this mysterious frozen dairy product, it was in my hands.

I recorded my live reaction. Watch below as I taste it for the first time, and do my own Benoit Blanc-esque investigation searching for the various ingredients that are purportedly contained within this mystery ice cream.

As you can see, my biggest complaint with Glass Onion ice cream is that I couldn’t really taste any of the other non-onion stuff that is supposedly in there. The bites that didn’t have pungent onion flavor tasted like your standard (if very tasty) vanilla ice cream. I got one tiny hint of whiskey, but I ate about a third of the pint and never detected any pineapple or glass-like crunch. To me, it felt like I was eating French onion soup ice cream — which was as weird as it sounds.

Still, as a guy who eats a lot of poorly themed movie tie-in food, I have to give Van Leeuwen a certain amount of credit. It’s Glass Onion ice cream. Not putting onion it it would have been a major cop out. If I order a food inspired by a movie, I want that food to taste like the movie! For better or worse, Glass Onion ice cream definitely embraces its heavily caramelized title ingredient.

I also appreciate the “mystery” aspect of the flavor — especially since Van Leeuwen put freaking onions in this thing. They are running the risk of getting complaints every time they sell a pint of onion ice cream to an unsuspecting customer who just likes Benoit Blanc and expects a more conventional flavor. What’s more, Glass Onion is a film full of shocking plot twists. This ice cream honors that. Even if you think you’re prepared for onion ice cream, the actual taste will definitely surprise you.

Personally, I’m gonna stick to my usual Van Leeuwen order of mint chip from now on. But I’m not unhappy I tried this. A little perplexed, but not unhappy. Glass Onion premieres on Netflix on December 23.